


when I am dead

by respoftw



Series: 35 Ways To Say I Love You In The Pegasus Galaxy [28]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Temporary Character Death, This is actually way more fluffy than the title suggests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-27 19:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8413906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respoftw/pseuds/respoftw
Summary: Rodney died for the first time on a Monday.





	

Rodney died for the first time on a Monday. Death by electrocution still counts even if he was dead for only thirty-six seconds. It was during those thirty-six seconds that John realised that what he felt for Rodney was love.

Rodney died for the second time on a Tuesday. That one didn't take either which was just as well because death by lemon infused rice was a thoroughly embarrassing way to go. John had a whole fifty-two seconds to agonise over his feelings for Rodney that time, eight seconds short of a full minute to feel regret for never telling Rodney how he felt. But then Carson got him breathing again and it seemed more important to set about systematically erasing every trace of lemon from the city than it did to swallow his fear and admit his feelings.

Rodney died for the third time on a Wednesday and John began to wonder if Rodney was trying to methodically tick off every day of the week in some sort of morbid bingo card of idiotic deaths. It was a bad one, the third one. Four minutes and twelve seconds. The fact that Kolya's death would last a lot longer was the only thing that kept John from hyperventilating every time he remembered those two hundred and fifty two seconds. Rodney had been with Katie at the time of his third death so John pushed the feelings down and plastered on a friendly smile. He was getting good at that.

The fourth time was on a Tuesday so John could at least comfort himself with the knowledge that Rodney really wasn't trying to shoot for all seven days of the week. In some ways it was the shortest; he was only really dead for six seconds, the remaining three weeks, two days, six hours and sixteen seconds were spent in stasis while Carson tried to come up with a cure for the virus that had attacked Rodney's nervous system. John tried to force his mind to make that distinction every day. He said the words out loud during that death, even if they had only been whispered to a sleeping dead Rodney in his stasis chamber.

As usual though, the rumours of Rodney's demise were greatly exaggerated and really, John had reached the point where he started to believe that maybe his reluctance to say the words where Rodney could hear them was some sort of lucky charm. It would be just typical of the universe to take Rodney away from him for good as soon as he got him.  It was better to keep it all to himself.  Half a Rodney was better than no Rodney at all.

Rodney went through a string of near misses along with his temporary deaths. Crashing into the ocean in a downed puddlejumper, overdosing on Wraith enzyme, having his brain start to shut down after being hit by an Acend-o-meter, the horrible two weeks that was Rodney's second childhood. At some point in amongst all of that John had really started to believe that Rodney was invincible.

His father was right; he really was a fool sometimes.

The fifth time Rodney died (another Monday, as if John needed any more reasons to hate Monday's), John's world was thrown upside down when Rodney's last words, gasped out as John applied pressure to the bullet hole in his chest, were a declaration of love that wasn't directed at Katie, or Keller or Sam or any of the hundred other women he'd watched Rodney fawn over through the years, but at _him_.

Rodney loved _him_.

Rodney loved him and Rodney was going to die thinking that John didn't love him back.

Unacceptable.

Rodney woke up from surgery (where unbeknownst to John he'd died briefly on the table a sixth and a seventh time - taking him up to a whopping ten minutes and eleven seconds of death in one day) to find John sitting next to him.

There was nothing new about that. The seat there probably had the imprint of John's skinny ass embedded permanently into its cushions after all these years but what _was_ new was the way he was holding Rodney's hand.

Rodney blinked slowly but John's hand was still firmly holding on to his own slack one. The thought that he really was dead this time crossed his mind for a second before he dismissed it out of hand. The afterlife, if such a thing did exist, would surely smell less like the Atlantis infirmary.

"I love you too," John said when Rodney focused enough to hear him. "I've loved you for a stupidly long time and now that we're on the same page it would be pretty sweet if if you would just stop trying to die on me, ok?"

_Hypocrite_ , Rodney thought. By his count, he was only on his fifth death while John had to be in double figures by now.  He should know because each and every time had carved another piece of his heart out.  John didn't look like he would appreciate having that pointed out right now though, in fact he looked a little bit wrecked right now. Rodney deigned to let it go for the moment and nodded instead.

"Ok, no more dying."

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://buffycuddlespigs.tumblr.com)


End file.
